When you feel that connection with someone. When they say “ugh I hate smoking” and you literally have a little mental stumble and manage to mutter the words “I think we might be the only people here that think that” because sometimes that’s how you feel. That you’re the one person in your entire generation that thinks that way. And you cower behind your thoughts, hardly voice them, but if needed will shout them and welcome the empty stares and disagreement. Find someone who agrees with your thought that your generation is being brainwashed, someone who can hold their end in an intellectual conversation. When you have that connection in a new and foreign place I feel like that’s when you’ve started building the foundations for a place to call home.
“I no longer have the energy for meaningless friendships, forced interactions or unnecessary conversations. If we don’t vibrate on the same frequency there’s just no reason for us to waste our time. I’d rather have no one and wait for substance than to not feel someone and fake the funk.”—
In other news, I had a weekend beyond perfection in London these past few days. If you’re interested in having a meander through my photographs I’ve updated my flickr in a successful attempt to level-up in the art of procrastination!
I’ve been feeling very rough and short-tempered in my relationships lately and I think it’s because I’ve been searching for happiness and validation in externalities. I think this is a lesson or a test, and that I have to search within myself and look deep inside me to find the answers and peace I need, to be more in sync with the ebbs and flows of daily life. I need to be neutral, I feel like I am protesting too much to what is happening around me and allowing it to affect me.
I don’t think I could define this in a way that would be textbook-perfect, but I’ll explain what it would mean in my eyes. Follow your inner peace and heart, trust yourself and live with love, be the best version of yourself and do not let anything or anyone have control over your happiness / sadness. Be at peace with everything that happens around you and act in such a way that at the end of each day when you put your head on your pillow you can smile and say to yourself, “I’m so proud of you”.
I believe that to be the secret to being at piece and free spirited.
Need to stop taking criticism for my dancing personally and just realize that they are points I need to work on in order to improve. Take it on the chin and don’t think about things more than the split second they’re said to you - take it on board, learn, change, improve if you think you need to and if that comment is valid by your own terms of judgement and realize it’s not a personal attack. If your timing’s wrong your timing’s wrong - doesn’t make you a bad dancer, just one that shouldn’t have missed a particular rehearsal perhaps…
team-working, honestly. So much reliance on everyone. Especially being bang center in the front.
Literally just been sat here and realized I’ve been thinking about it the whole walk home… does it really matter? NO. In 5 years will I look back and think - darn, that one time I was told I need to work on my timing… NO.
How silly can I be sometimes. Blame the hormones.
Breaking news - just received a message saying that we are all doing so well and that at this point it’s not about telling us all the things we are doing so well but what we need to improve on.
I feel like people should speak more. Without the fear of looking ridiculous. When you’re sat on a bus, it should be normal to strike up a conversation and ask the person next to you how they are, what they’ve been doing, what makes them excited to get out of bed in the morning. Instead, people are brain washed with plugs in their ears and their eyes glued to smart phones which are making them anything but. It’s saddening. We’re humans, we should be together more… not with metal contraptions and generic “music” being blasted into our ears to numb our thoughts.
I’m in love with you and I just can’t deny it anymore. I know it’s silly, I know it’s stupid, I know I should be able to shut my ears to the sound of my heart by now - know that it’s time to listen to my brain - but it’s so much easier said than done. And if it’s not meant to be, surely it wouldn’t be so hard to let go. Maybe you and I are perfect for each other, it just might take a bit of time for us to be certain, it might take time for me to know that this is it. Because it’s so easy to say what I want to hear, but I believe words more than actions.
I know you still love me, I know we still have this invincible connection stronger than the distance between us, stronger than any doubt, any fear, anything anyone says. I know our hearts are bound together, beating in excitement for the day they’re as close as they have been so many times before, when my head’s been on your shoulder dancing to cheesy taylor swift songs and the sound of the waves in the moonlight.
I know our lips stretch into smiles, laughter rattles in our throats, but none of it is as genuine as what we manage to create when our fingers are intertwined. I won’t let myself admit I miss you - I know I’m too proud. I know i’m so persistent. But I want to tell you, that on this November night, I’m as in love with you as I was a year ago. And I guess that it’s just a fact of life, that when you love you love hard. And when your heart has this connection with someone, it’s not as easy as cutting a piece of string in half.